Divine Mercy
by lovelovelove22
Summary: In the eyes of her community, Bella Cullen is the perfect Catholic wife, mother, and churchgoer. But she knows, that underneath her facade, she is a sinful woman.
1. Chapter 1

**So this is a story where I can break out my knowledge on Catholicism. Now, this story is going to dive right on into religion, so don't say you weren't warned. I grew up as a Roman Catholic, was baptized, confirmed, and go to church every Sunday as a Catholic. So I know a lot about it, but please understand that a lot of what is in this story is based on **_**my **_**experiences with religion. **

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"_Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." –Hebrews 13:4 4_

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Bella Cullen

"Angel of God, my guardian dear, to whom God's love commits me here, ever this day, be at my side, to light and guard, rule and guide. Amen." Our voices blended in unison, and as we finished I kissed my daughter Abigail's forehead. "All right, kids. All of you get off to bed." I sighed, kissing each of my children on the forehead before Edward ushered Sarah, Rachel, Abigail, Delilah, and Noah out of the room. I stood up and placed our thirteen month old baby, Evangeline, in her crib, which sat in the corner of Edward and I's bedroom.

I crawled into bed and slid under the covers, taking a deep breath as I was finally able to get a little relaxation. I ran a daycare from home, so I had been on my feet all day. Several minutes passed, and I stared up at the ceiling as the heard my children running around and shouting, resisting Edward's attempts to get them into bed. I waited several more minutes and when the yelling didn't stop, I grudgingly got out of bed.

Tightening the sash around my bathrobe and swung the door to Sarah and Rachel's room open. "Hey you two, get into bed and stop squirreling around. You have to be up early for church tomorrow morning." I ordered, and the girls, who were ten and seven, scrambled into the queen sized bed they shared. "Goodnight, I love you." I said, walking over to them and kissing each of them again.

"Love you!" Sarah and Rachel chorused, and I walked out of their room, winking at them as I closed the door behind me.

Next I trudged into Noah's small room, peeking into the door. Luckily, the usually rowdy two and a half year old was in his bed, snuggled up with his stuffed lion. That meant the source of noise was coming from Abigail and Delilah, who were six and four. And sure enough, when I opened the door to their room, Abigail and Delilah were running away from Edward, which had to be difficult in their small, cramped room. "What are you doing?" I asked sharply, and both girls froze and Edward was able to grab them. "Come on, we have church tomorrow." I reminded the two of them as they finally allowed their father to tuck them into bed.

As soon as we finally had all the kids in bed, Edward and I practically fell into our bed. "Goodnight. Love you." Edward mumbled, rolling over onto his side and drifting off to sleep almost immediately.

"Love you." I whispered back, although he probably was already asleep. I just laid in bed and let my thoughts drift.

Edward and I had been married for a little over eleven years. He was a doctor in the ER, and I ran a daycare from our home. We were devout Catholics, just like the rest of our families. That meant we didn't believe in birth control or abortion, which led to our six children. I loved each of them fiercely, because they were my little gifts from God. But I never expected it to be so _hard_ to keep my faith. In the world all around us, things were changing. People cared less and less about things that were supposed to be important to us, like the marriage bed and church every Sunday and praying and the bible. Edward and I were trying to raise our children in our religion, but it was hard when the world was becoming so different, and _I_ was becoming so different as well.

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I bounced Evangeline on my lap slightly as we sat in church listening to the sermon. Edward sat at my side with Noah on his lap, and the rest of our children were sitting in the pew as well, their attention trained on the priest as he spoke. As I glanced around the rest of the congregation, I caught a glimpse of my friend Jacob Black. Smiling slightly, I nodded my head in greeting. He nodded back and winked, and his wife, Leah, cast me a dark look before focusing back on the sermon.

Leah had always had some kind of problem with me. Edward, Jacob, Leah, and I had grown up together, and Leah was always crazy over Jacob. Unlike her husband, Leah was not very religious. She went to church and took in the Eucharist, but she was an extremely jealous woman, even over something as simple as the friendship Jacob and I shared, because she didn't know the true nature of our relationship. And that jealously made her an envious Catholic. Jacob and I ignored her, though, and we had continued our…relationship.

Evangeline started to fuss loudly and kick her long legs, obviously getting restless. I sighed and touched Edward's shoulder gently before I stood up, hitched Evangeline up on my hip, and hurried towards the back of the church and into the cry room. I wasn't surprised to see my sister in law, Mary Alice, or just Alice, sitting there with her two month old son, Peter, in her lap.

"Hello, Bella." Alice said cheerfully, keeping her voice hushed as I sat down next to her. "Are you guys coming to Carlisle and Esme's for lunch?" She asked, and I nodded my head, handing Evangeline a toy to play with.

"We'll all be there." I confirmed. "You and Jasper and Peter are coming?" I asked softly, and Alice nodded wordlessly as she refocused. I tried to refocus as well, but my guilt was slowly eating away at me. How could I call myself a Catholic woman when I was committing one of the most treacherous of sins? I was, to put it in simple turns, an adulteress. I was dishonoring my husband, one of the most respectable and sweetest men I knew. My relationship with Jacob was wrong in the eyes of God, and it was also shameful and horrendous. But I couldn't stop.

I didn't even know why I was doing it. I had a husband, a husband who could take care of me. I didn't love Jacob, and I was giving him something that should only be shared between a married couple in love. It was sick and wrong and I hated myself every single day for what I was doing to Edward, to my family, to myself, and even to Jacob. I was _wrong_.

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"Bless us Oh Lord, and these thy gifts, which we are about to receive, from thy bounty, through Christ, Our Lord. Amen."

After our prayer, we dropped each other's hands and started passing around the food. Every Sunday after church the entire family had lunch at Edward's parents house. And this Sunday was no different. Edward's sister Alice and her husband Jasper and their son Peter were there, as well as Edward's brother Emmet and his wife Rosalie. Our children loved having lunch at their grandparents house, and it always wore them out for the day. Just as we started to eat, the doorbell rang out loudly.

Esme looked up in surprise, wiping her hands off with a napkin. "Who could that be?" She asked, almost to herself, and got up to answer the door. The rest of us continued to eat, until Esme reappeared with three more guests in tow. Jacob, Leah, and their son, Sam. As I met Jacob's eyes, I blanched and blushed red before quickly glancing back down at my plate. I could hardly look at him anymore, ever since we had started our affair. But I was still doing it with no signs of stopping.

"Hello." Jacob said cheerfully, and everyone else exchanged their hello's. Carlisle, Edward's father, stood up to get more chairs for Jacob and Leah while Esme walked Sam into the kitchen where the rest of the children were eating. Much to my dismay, Carlisle put the chairs next to me and Jacob sat down right next to me, a big smile on his face.

The entire meal was awkward for me as I sat between my husband and my lover. It only reminded me a how terrible a woman and Catholic I was. People thought that I was good, pure, and sweet, when I was really breaking one of the sacred Ten Commandments. _Thou shall not commit adultery._ As the meal came to a close, I jumped slightly when Jacob's hand skimmed over my knee. I glanced over at him with wide, terrified eyes, but he smiled easily and leaned a little closer to me.

"Meet me in the upstairs bathroom." He whispered and I froze. Here? He wanted to do this here? In the home of my father and mother in law? Jacob stood up and excused himself, shooting me a meaningful look as he left the room. I waited for a moment, and then did something horribly stupid. I stood up and excused myself as well, heading in the other direction in the house so that I could go up the back staircase and seem less conspicuous.

I knocked on the bathroom door and it swung open, and Jacob stood before me. In an instant, Jacob gripped me by the arm and pulled me into the bathroom, closing the door behind us. His lips were on mine suddenly, his tongue slipping into my moth with ease. I complied for a moment, and then remember how sickened I was with myself, and I pushed him away, breathing heavily and looking at Jacob with hooded eyes. "We _can't_." I said softly. "You…you're cheating on Leah."

Jacob squinted at me, confused. "And you're cheating on Edward." He said simply, and I flinched.

"Please, please don't say that." I whispered, stepping away from him. "I…I can't do this anymore!" I cried, crossing my arms across my chest. "It isn't right, and it isn't fair to our spouses. We made vows to them, Jacob, and we're breaking them!"

He stared at me for a long moment, and then dropped my arm and allowed me to exit the bathroom without a fight.

As I walked back into the dining room and sat back down, Edward's eyes followed me. And his eyes narrowed slightly as Jacob returned several seconds later. I kept my eyes trained on my nearly empty plate, knowing that I had done a terrible job at hiding my darkest of sins.

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That night as Edward and I gathered with our children to read a passage from the bible, I could tell that Edward was suspicious. We all sat around the living room and as I reached for the bible, Edward took it from me. "I'll read tonight." He said, barely looking at me. I nodded, drawing both Noah and Evangeline onto my lap as Edward flipped through the bible, obviously looking for a specific passage. "Hebrews 13." Edward said, clearing his throat before he started to read. I stared down at my children as Edward read, and wasn't really listening until my husband read the last line. "Let marriage be held in honor among all, and let the bed be undefiled: but God will judge the sexually immoral and adulterers." Edward said, and then snapped the book shut and everything else was totally silent, even the children.

The blood drained from my face as I met Edward's cold green eyes, boring straight into mine. He knew.

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**Well…what do you think? I understand that the first chapter was a bit slow, but it'll be picking up. If you have any questions or concerns, please don't hesitate to ask.**

**Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	2. Chapter 2

**I'm glad that a lot of you are being so nice and giving this story a chance. I can't give away too much, but I can tell you right now that Catholics do not believe in divorce. It says in the bible that if a man divorces a woman and then marries another, he is committing adultery. When my uncle got divorced, his Catholic parents (my grandparents) were so upset that they are now basically estranged. It's sad.**

**Anyway, enjoy the chapter and leave me some feedback.**

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"_Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do." –Colossians 3:13 13_

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Bella Cullen

"Hail Mary, full of grace, the Lord is with thee; blessed art thou among women and blessed is the fruit of thy womb, Jesus. Holy Mary, Mother of God, pray for us sinners, now and at the hour of our death. Amen." I did the sign of the cross and then squeezed my eyes shut so that I wouldn't cry as I continued to pray. "Lord Jesus, I am sorry for my sins, I renounce Satan and all his works, and I give you my life. I accept you whom I've just received in communion. I now receive and accept you as my personal Lord and my personal Savior, and as we just prayed, fill us with Your Holy Spirit. Amen." Tears trickled down my cheeks despite my attempts to stop them. I ran my fingers across the crucifix next to Edward and my bed.

"I saw you."

I jumped when I heard Edward's voice, and whirled around to see him leaning in the doorway of our bedroom. He was still wearing his church clothes, black pants and a light blue shirt. "I saw you." He repeated, and I flinched at the fierceness in his voice instead of the usual kindness. "You and _Jacob_." Edward paused, running one of his hands through his reddish brown hair. "I can't believe you, Bella. You are my wife, and you have dishonored God and this entire family with your actions."

My eyes flooded with more tears, and I bit my lip. "I'm sorry." I whispered, but Edward just looked angrier.

His jaw clenched and he stepped closer to me, and I shirked back slightly. But Edward gripped me by the wrist and pulled me up off the bed. "You're despicable, Bella. You cannot apologize for something that you haven't even confessed to. Tell me. Tell me how long you've been disgracing God like this." I continued to cry and Edward frowned, pushing me up against the wall. "Tell me, Bella." He said sharply, squeezing my wrist even more tightly. "I _deserve _to know. Explain your sins to me! Can you even bear to speak of them?"

"I'm so sorry." I continued to cry. "It's been going on for months…I don't love him, I love you." I professed.

Edward squeezed his eyes shut as I continued to cry. He started to say something else, but we were interrupted. "Mommy?" Rachel stood in the doorway of our bedroom, her eyes widening as she took in the sight before her. Edward slowly released his grip on my wrists and slowly stepped back away from me as I rubbed my sore wrists. "What's going on?" Rachel asked haltingly, looking between Edward and me.

"Nothing's wrong, baby. Go do your homework." I said softly as Edward and I continued to stare at each other. Edward's chest was rising and falling rapidly, and the pendant of Saint Raphael, the archangel believed to be the patron saint of healing, was moving along with it.

"I have to go to work. I have a night shift tonight." Edward finally said, refusing to look at me. I kept my back against the wall and my eyes trained on the floor as Edward moved around the room, putting on his scrubs and getting ready for work. Tears continued to run down my cheeks, and Edward eventually walked over to me and curled his long fingers under my chin, forcing me to look at him. "If you repent before God…I might be able to forgive you for this. Serve your penance and…" He swallowed heavily. "Never see Jacob Black ever again."

I nodded quickly, gulping down air. "I promise, I promise. Edward, I never meant to hurt you." I whispered, but Edward left the room without saying anything else. I stayed pressed against the wall, closing my eyes and breathing heavily as I tried desperately to regain my composure.

"Mom?" I opened my eyes to see Rachel in the doorway again, walking towards me slowly. "Mommy, are you okay?" She asked hesitantly, her voice sweet and innocent.

Taking several more gulps of air I nodded my head and held my arms out to my daughter. "I haven't been a very good person lately, Rachel." I told her softly, running one of my hands through Rachel's long brown hair. "I hurt your daddy." I explained, not wanting her to know the entire truth.

Rachel was silent for a moment, pressing her face into my stomach as she put her arms around me. "Are you going to talk to the priest?" She finally asked, looking up at me curiously. "You and daddy always tell me that I have to tell Father Michael when I do something wrong."

"Yes, baby, I have to go to the priest." I said in a low voice, trying to stop my tears. "I definitely did something wrong." Looking at the clock on the wall, I leaned down and kissed the top of Rachel's head. "Get into bed, okay? I'll be in later to tuck you into bed." I said, ushering her out of the room. Rachel did as I said, dutifully leaving the room and closing the door behind her. As soon as she was gone, I collapsed onto my bed and closed my eyes, not wanting to move as I was crushed by my guilt and sin.

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Edward Cullen

I was silent as I stitched up a patient. Night shifts in the ER were always busy, and usually I was counting down the hours until I could go back home to Bella and our children. But not tonight. I was too angry, too sickened, and too ashamed. My wife, the woman I placed all my love and trust upon, the woman who I thought shared all my views, had betrayed me by doing the unthinkable.

Adultery. It hurt to even think the word, let alone what that word entailed. My wife, my Bella, had been with another man intimately. I blinked rapidly, trying to put all my attention onto my patient as I stitched up her knee. She was four years old, the same age as my son Noah, and she was so much quieter. She had fallen off of her bed and cut her knee open on the corner of her dresser, and she had yet to shed a tear. She just watched me with wide eyes as I carefully placed the five stitches.

"All done." I said quietly, looking up at my young patient and forcing a smile. "You were so brave, I'm proud of you." I said, picking her up so she wouldn't have to hop down off the bed. After getting everything settled with her, I had a moment to myself. And I hated it.

Thinking back to earlier this night, I was disgusted with both Bella and myself. She had done terrible, sinful things, but I had hurt her, something I had sworn to never do. We were both in the wrong. Closing my eyes briefly, I whispered out a quick prayer under my breath. "Faultless Lord, enduring death for me, you have consummated the debt of my sins: Your sacrifice of forgiveness was absolute. Grant me the strength to also forgive others, to excuse their transgressions against me. So I may truly reflect this spiritual fruit, Obliterate any persistent feelings of malice. Let each trespass end as a closing chapter, my continuing on the road of righteousness. Forgive my sins as I aspire to forgive others. You are truly archetypical of forgiveness." Taking a deep, shaky breath, I ran my hands through my hair before pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and index finger.

My faith called for forgiveness. If Bella confessed, repented, and was honestly apologetic, I should be able to forgive her. But will I be able to? I have never felt so hurt and betrayed and dishonored. I had never expected Bella to do something like this. She and I had been so alike in our faith. We had promised to love and to cherish each other in the eyes of God, and we had built our lives and our family on our strong Catholic faith. My wife had broken one of the Ten Commandments, and it cut me straight to the core.

I did not get done with my shift in the ER until eight o'clock the next morning. I practically had to drag myself back home and when I arrived, the day had already started. Just as I walked up the sidewalk to the house, Sarah, Rachel, and Abigail were trudging out of the house, holding their lunchboxes and book bags. Bella stood in the doorway with Evangeline in her arms, watching them go. I quickly kissed my daughters on the forehead as they hurried off to the bus stop, and then stood on the sidewalk for a moment, staring at Bella.

Her brown eyes were rimmed in red and her hair was pulled back into a ponytail, and she was staring at me evenly. "Are you coming inside?" Bella finally asked, and I wordlessly walked into the house. There were three children in the room, plus Delilah and Noah, who I kissed and hugged before walking into the bedroom. Bella was fast on my heels, but I turned around in the doorway to stop her.

"Bella, please, give me space." I said in a firm voice, and she fell back. I kissed her on the temple and then stroked Evangeline's cheek before walking into our bedroom and closing the door behind me.

That night before the children went to bed, Bella asked to do the reading from the bible. We sat stiffly next to each other on the couch, and things were almost painful at this point. I could hardly look at my own wife.

"Colossians." Bella said softly, and then started to read. I paid attention during the reading, trying to find an answer from the word of God. What was I supposed to do?" Bella continued to read, and my heart thudded at the last line of scripture. "Bearing with one another, and forgiving each other, if any man has a complaint against any; even as Christ forgave you, so you also do."

I was supposed to forgive her, but I didn't know how.

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**Thoughts? Comments? Concerns? Leave 'em in a review.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	3. Chapter 3

**Well hello there. Sorry for not updating all week, but my husband and I took a spur of the moment trip to Maine so that we could have a little time to ourselves before Baby Bee is born in May. Anyway, while I was gone I got so many ideas in my head…here are two of them (for other stories).**

'**No Regrets'- I used to have a story called this, but it sucked and I deleted it. This story is not the same, but it does have a similar central idea. It's about Bella and Edward after they break off their engagement, and is all human and alternate universe, like all of my stories. I haven't posted this one yet, but the idea is stuck in my head and I hope to turn it into a story soon.**

'**The Spectrum'- This is a more controversial story. It's about Bella, a single mother, who is raising a daughter who might have Aspersers, which is on the Autism Spectrum. **

**Both of these stories are Bella/Edward.**

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"_And above all things be earnest in your love among yourselves, for love covers a multitude of sins." –Peter 4:8 8_

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Bella Cullen

I hated when Edward worked two night shifts in a row. It meant that he would be grumpy and tired for the next couple of days, and we were already on rocky ground. Edward and I were a normal couple; we had fought before, but not like this. My husband was usually quick to forgive. But then again, I had never done something so terrible to him before. Edward had gone straight to bed when he had come home, so I knew that he wouldn't be up until at least lunch.

The morning passed fairly quickly, and Edward did not come out of our bedroom. He was probably still sleeping, thanks to his all night shift. I was restless all morning, waiting for him to reappear. By the time I started lunch for the kids, I decided that it was time to wake him up. Knocking softly on the bedroom door, I poked my head inside. Edward was sitting in the chair in the corner, and his eyes instantly met mine. "Lunch is ready, if you're hungry." I said softly, and Edward nodded, looking away from me. "Edward, you should eat something." I said, a little more persistently.

"I'll be out in a minute." Edward said. "Just let me change my clothes." He said softly, and I left him in peace because, honestly, I didn't know what I could possibly say to him.

When Edward finally joined me in the kitchen, the three children I watched, plus Noah and Delilah, were already digging into their macaroni and cheese. "I made you a sandwich." I said softly as Edward sat down at the table. I slid the plate in front of him, and he thanked me softly.

I stood back to give Evangeline her lunch, and observed Edward as I did so. As he ate, he talked softly with Noah, and I couldn't help but smile. Edward was such a wonderful father, it was one of the things that I loved most about him. On the frequent days when our six children completely overwhelmed me, Edward was always there to help me relieve the stress. He would either take the kids out of the house for a little while, or calm me down with soothing words or a quick back massage. Finally, after several minutes of not speaking, I cleared my throat. "Edward, I'm going down to church this afternoon for a little while. Would you…would you watch the kids?" I asked hopefully.

Edward looked up at me, and then over at the children. "Yeah, sure." He finally said, looking me square in the eye. I nodded my head, telling him that I was indeed going to repent my sins. "I'll see you tonight then."

"Oh, I wasn't going to go _now_…" I said, glancing at my watch.

"The sooner the better." Edward said brusquely, and stood up to put his plate in the dishwasher. "I'll watch the children, you go. Now."

A little surprised by his since of urgency, I nodded my head and kissed the children goodbye. "I'll be back later, be good." I kissed each of the kids and then hesitated when I came to Edward. "I really am sorry." I said softly, and Edward just looked down at the table. "I love you." I murmured, bending over and kissing the top of my husband's head. "I really do. And I'm sorry."

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The church was eerily silent as I stepped inside. There was a blonde woman praying up towards the front, but that was it. No one else was there, or so I thought.

As I quietly walked towards the confessional, someone gripped on my upper arm and pulled me into the shadows. I nearly cried out, until I saw who the person was. It was Jacob. We stood staring at each other, breathing heavily. I recognized the look in his eyes, and I wasn't surprised when he leaned in to kiss me. Quickly, I stepped back and held my hands up. "No." I said firmly, and Jacob groaned, and then took a step back as well. "Please, no." I whispered, and tears started running down my face. "Edward knows, Jacob." I whispered, and the blood drained from my ex lovers face. "I'm not supposed to see you again."

"So…this is goodbye?" Jacob asked softly, and then stepped closer to me. I nodded, tilting my head up to meet his eyes.

"This is goodbye." I said firmly. "Go back to Leah and Sam, and let me go back to my family." I implored, and Jacob took a deep breath.

He loomed closer to me, and I knew what was coming. I lifted my head up towards his and closed my eyes, allowing Jacob one last kiss before I erased him from my life. The kiss was short and sweet, and when we pulled away, Jacob brought his hand up to wipe the tears from my cheeks. "Goodbye, Bella." He whispered, and then backed away from me and turned on his heel, walking away for the last time.

Taking a deep breath, I turned back in the direction of the confessional, determined to get all of this off of my chest once and for all. But when I turned, I came face to face with Rosalie Cullen, my sister in law. "Rosalie!" I gasped, bringing my hand up to chest.

Rosalie didn't say anything. She just looked over my shoulder, where Jacob and I had just been standing, and kissing, and then she looked back towards me. A look of disgust overcame her face, and she shook her head at me before walking away quickly.

I stood rooted on the spot for a moment, terrified. Rosalie saw us. That meant that everyone would know soon. I would be exposed for the terrible person that I truly was. I would lose the respect of my friends, my family, and my fellow parishioners.

"_My God, I am sorry for my sins with all my heart. In choosing to do wrong and failing to do good, I have sinned against you whom I should love above all things. I firmly intend, with your help, to do penance, to __sin__ no more, and to avoid whatever leads me to sin. Our Savior __Jesus__Christ__ suffered and died for us. In His Name, my God, have mercy. Amen."_

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That night as we read from the bible, Edward picked the reading. I hung onto every word, looking for some kind of answer. Edward's velvet voice caressed each word softly, and I listened intently. ""And above all things be earnest in your love among yourselves, for love covers a multitude of sins."

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**So what are we thinking, guys? Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	4. Chapter 4

**Sorry for another little delay. After our vacation to Maine, I've been tired and I've also been pretty busy lately with stuff from work and stuff at home. But thanks for sticking with me. I posted my story 'No Regrets' several days ago. If you're looking for something else to read, please go and check it out! The story has five chapters, and 'The Spectrum' has two chapters.**

**I want to say thank you to everyone for reading this story and reviewing. I'm glad you like it. Also, I'm trying not to focus way too heavily on the religion part of the story, because I really don't want to offend anybody. So I will say it again: I go to a Catholic church and I grew up Catholic. I'm being as accurate as I can possibly be.**

**Somebody asked why Bella and Edward had six kids…it's because a lot of devout Catholics are opposed to birth control and contraceptives. For instance, I have four siblings, and my sister is pregnant with her fifth kid now. A lot of time Catholic families are just a lot larger because of that reason. I knew people in school that had like ten siblings.**

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"_God, you know my foolishness. My sins aren't hidden from you." –Psalms 69:5 5_

Bella Cullen

"Love you." I said, kissing Noah of the forehead as I tucked him into bed. "Sleep tight, baby." I added, stroking his cheek softly before leaving the room and quietly shutting the door behind me. After tucking the rest of the children in, I hesitated before opening the door to my own bedroom. I knew that I had to tell Edward that Rosalie had seen me kissing Jacob today, but I had no idea how to do it.

I hated myself for hurting him like this. Again.

Eventually, I managed to gather up my courage and walk into the room. Edward was sitting up in our bed, reading a book. He didn't look up when I walked into the room. Evangeline was in her crib in the corner of our room, already fast asleep. Now was as good of a time as any. "Edward, I need to tell you something." I began, and Edward looked up from his book.

"What?" He asked softly, shutting the book and placing it on the nightstand.

I took a deep breath and crawled onto the bed, sitting next to him. I wanted to reach out and take his hand, but I didn't dare to. "This afternoon, when I went to confession, Jacob was there." I started softly, staring down at my lap and wringing my hands. Edward didn't speak, so I continued. "I told him that I couldn't see him anymore, and he agreed, but when he left, we kissed." I said, my voice becoming softer. "It really was just a goodbye, but then…" I choked back a sob, my shoulders heaving as I held my face in my hands. "Rosalie saw us, Edward." I finally managed to say, tears running down my face as I finally looked back up at him.

Edward was motionless, staring straight ahead. For a long, painful moment, he said nothing while I cried softly, still holding my head in my hands. Then, I felt the bed shift as he stood up. Evangeline was sleeping in her crib, so he couldn't yell, but the angry, disappointed silence seemed even worse. Again, I had failed him. This time, not only had I betrayed him, I had let another witness my misdeeds. In the house of God, no less. Everyone would know, and I wouldn't be the only one to suffer once they did. Edward would suffer as well, not just me. But I at least _deserved _it, I knew that I did. I had done so much wrong to so many people. But Edward hadn't done anything…he had been oblivious for months, thinking that I was happy and content and pious.

"I can't believe you." Edward finally spoke, refusing to look at me. I couldn't stop my crying; I just looked up at him with tears streaming down my face. Edward stared at me, a completely overwhelmed look on his face. "I…I don't know how I can ever forgive you." He said, looking shocked and hurt and just plain confused. "Rosalie knows." He added as a statement, and I nodded my head as I used my shirtsleeve to wipe the mess of tears off of my red face. Edward pinched the bridge of his nose and closed his eyes, looking as if he were in pain. And I wouldn't doubt that he is. I had hurt him, and I was continuing to do so without even meaning to. "Everyone is going to know." Edward whispered, still not opening his eyes. "Tomorrow is Sunday…we have to go to church and to my parent's house for lunch…"

"We don't have to go to your parents." I said in a soft, desperate whisper. I didn't think that I would be able to face the family ever again.

Edward laughed softly; shaking his head as he finally looked at me again. "We're going." He said firmly. "You have to face them. And so will I." Then Edward glanced over towards the baby crib and rubbed his forehead. "We should shut off the light and go to sleep. We don't want Evangeline to wake up."

So he flicked off the lap and got back into bed without saying another word to me.

* * *

The second we walked into the Cullen's home, I felt out of place and awkward. Edward shied away from me, and when Esme opened the door for us to walk in, she didn't speak. I could feel her disgust and disapproval rolling off of her in waves, and I immediately hung my head. The eight of us shuffled into the house in silence, until Edward and Esme hugged and Esme kissed his cheek. "I'm sorry," was all she said. My cheeks burned and I gripped Delilah's hand tighter.

I had expected this. I had tried to prepare for this. But it was still awful. My children, my poor oblivious children, had no idea what was going on as I was ignored for the entire meal. Rosalie shot me filthy looks, but no one else would even meet my eye. They all knew, and they were going to make me pay for it. Edward sat next to me, but he was visibly distant. Everyone else talked animatedly while I was shunned to silence.

Because I did deserve it. I knew what I had done. I had, indeed, dishonored God, my husband, and my entire family. I had broken one of the Ten Commandments, but I had also repented and served out my penance. I wasn't asking for immediate forgiveness, but I also hated being treated so coolly in front of my innocent children. I deserved the shunning, and Edward deserved the pity.

Finally, towards the end of the meal, Esme stood up to start clearing the plates, and then looked directly at me. "Bella, help me clear the table." It wasn't a polite question, but a demand. I stood quickly, picking up both my plate and Edward's before following my mother in law into the kitchen. I dragged my feet slightly, not sure of what I should expect when I was alone with Esme. But I found out soon enough. "Rosalie told all of us." Esme's words were sharp and cool, and they pierced my heart. "I am…" She paused, shaking her head as she began to load the dishes into the dishwasher. "I am stunned and disappointed, Bella. I think you of as a daughter, and you…" She trailed off again, standing up straight and putting her hands on her hips. "I thought you were better than that." Esme finished, and then left the room, leaving me alone in the kitchen.

* * *

"God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that I can, and the wisdom to know the difference. I uttered softly under my breath, and then turned on my heel and walked back into the dining room to face what I had to.

* * *

"Psalms." Edward said in a calm, low voice. "God, you know my foolishness. My sins aren't hidden for you."

* * *

**Goodnight, world. Getting some sleep because I have to wake up oh so early for church tomorrow. Please review!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	5. Chapter 5

**Yep, another delay. But I'm trying to update more because once the kid is born (due in twenty days!), things will be even busier than they are now, which I am not really looking forward too.**

**Anyway to answer some questions…I believe in Edward/Bella forever, no matter what. **

**A lot of protestants are more…extreme…than a lot of Catholics, but a lot of people that have strong practicing families are pretty much to the extreme as well. And I know about Catholicism! As always, thanks for reading and I'm glad you're enjoying the story, even though I'm pretty crappy at updating an whatnot. My estimation is that we're about halfway through with this story, probably a little less than.**

**Today's bible verse is pretty long…I just thought it worked out pretty perfectly! You don't have to read it if you just want to get straight on with the chapter, of course.**

……

"_Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the assembly, and gave himself up for it; 26 that he might sanctify it, having cleansed it by the washing of water with the word, 27 that he might present the assembly to himself gloriously, not having spot or wrinkle or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish. 28 Even so husbands also ought to love their own wives as their own bodies. He who loves his own wife loves himself. 29 For no man ever hated his own flesh; but nourishes and cherishes it, even as the Lord also does the assembly; 30 because we are members of his body, of his flesh and bones. 31 "For this cause a man will leave his father and mother, and will be joined to his wife. The two will become one flesh." 32 This mystery is great, but I speak concerning Christ and of the assembly. 33 Nevertheless each of you must also love his own wife even as himself; and let the wife see that she respects her husband." –Ephesians 5:25-33_

……

Bella Cullen

I knew that I was being avoided- it wasn't hard to figure out. First, I had called Alice up Monday afternoon and asked her if she would like to go and get some coffee, because Edward was home and he could watch the children. But she never answered the phone, and she didn't call back after I left a message. And that is not like my sister in law…she is usually warm hearted and full of energy and accepting. But her avoidance was another burden to bear. Rosalie was ignoring me as well, of course. I had fully expected that one. She had, after all, witnessed what I had done. I wasn't sure if she would ever forgive me. And there were other little things that happened over the next couple of days, each of which kept reminding me of all the wrong I had done.

After all this time, I still do not even know why I did. I love my husband, more than I even realized was possible. When I had met him, my entire life had changed. I understood what it meant to love and to be loved in return. I understood what it was like to make the commitment of marriage to another person. Edward and I had been bound to each other, in mind, body, heart, and soul. But I had damaged that bind, and I knew that we were falling apart because of it. I couldn't bear to see my children suffer because of the way I had wronged their father and God, and if they knew what I had done, they would hate me forever.

Edward and I had already told the oldest two of our six children, Sarah and Rachel, that marriage was precious and sacred and special, and that a husband and a wife should love and respect each other. I knew I was a hypocrite. My daughters understood the sanctity of marriage, and I couldn't even uphold it.

……

"Edward, can we please talk?" I asked softly, putting my small hand on his arm. The children had already gone to bed, and we were about to turn in for the night. Edward stiffened slightly when I touched his arm, but he put his book down all the same.

"About what?" Edward asked softly, looking at me with his big green eyes.

I swallowed thickly, sitting all the way up in bed and taking both of his hands in mine. "I know that I have embarrassed and hurt and dishonored you, Edward, but I love you so much. You provide for me and our children, you sacrifice for us, and you love me despite of all the wrong I have done. But Edward, please, forgive me." I whispered, and I Edward remained silent, just looking at me. "I know I've done so much wrong, and I can't even express how sorry I am for what I did. I never, ever want to hurt you again. I love you so much."

"I…I do love you." Edward murmured, and I felt him squeeze my hands softly. "But Bella, I thought I knew everything about you. And I never thought you would be the kind of person that would be able to hurt me like this. I know you're sorry, and I know you've repented before God. But I still want to know…" He trailed off for a moment, shaking his head. "I still want to know why you and Jacob even had an affair in the first place. Why were you even intimate with him, if you don't love him and never did?" Edward asked, and I knew immediately that he was doubting his skills as a partner.

"It's not because of you. Edward, you make me feel like…like I'm going to combust whenever we're intimate." I said softly, rubbing his hand gently. "When we…when we were together, it was perfect and I was totally and completely satisfied." I said, a bright red blush appearing on my cheeks. "The only reason I was with Jacob was because…honestly, I was lonely." I said, and Edward just narrowed his eyes on me. "No, please understand what I mean before you get mad." I said, squeezing his hand again. "I know that is the most overused, typical response. But it's so true. When I was with Jacob, you just started a new schedule in the ER. Don't you remember how terrible those first couple of weeks were?" Edward nodded, not speaking, and I continued. "Because I certainly do- those weeks had been awful and nearly impossible. You were stuck with working nearly fourteen hour days, and when you were home, there was no time for us to be intimate of even just _talk_ to each other. I had felt like I was completely alone, saddled with six children, and unwanted." I said honestly.

"I'm sorry you ever felt that way." Edward said, his voice strangled and hoarse. "But when it got to the point that you decided to have an _affair _with a family friend, you should have made a point to at least tell me how you felt." Edward said sharply. "Because all that time, I felt terrible. I knew that you were lonely, but I also knew that at the moment, there was nothing I could do about it. I _thought_ I could trust you to talk to me. You're my wife, Bella. I didn't know that you needed me, but if I had I would have been at your side in a heartbeat."

Nothing could make me doubt my husband's words, not even in this situation. He had his flaws, but he wasn't a liar by any means.

"Why did it continue?" Edward suddenly asked, his voice cold and curious at the same time. "Once work straightened out, I was home much more. And still…you continued your relationship with Jacob."

I bit my lip, tears sliding down my cheeks. "I don't know…I just did."

……

**Please review, and I will try and update over the weekend or maybe next week.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	6. Chapter 6

**AHHHH! Holy frick, holy frick! So I just went into labor almost two weeks early. I'm currently sitting in the hospital room, and I knew that I had to let some of my readers know. And seeing as this story was the next on my list to update…I decided to update real quick. My contractions are still really far apart, ten minutes, so in between the moments of pain and swearing at my husband, I'll be typing. It might be short, but I can't really control that so…enjoy.**

**Oh and FYI this will probably have a cliffhanger and the subjects brought up in the next couple of chapters are going to be touchy, even more so than the other ones. They will deal with purgatory and hell and all that kind of stuff. But remember…I like me my HEA!**

……

"_Don't you be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you. Yes, I will help you. Yes, I will uphold you with the right hand of my righteousness." -Isaiah 41:10 10_

……

Edward Cullen

When I got off of my busy ten hour shift in the ER at six in the evening, I had been looking forward to dinner and then a long, much deserved sleep. But no, it hardly ever worked out that way. When I walked in the door and kicked off my shoes, Bella walked into the entryway with her purse and car keys, informing me that she and the kids had already eaten, she was going to the grocery store, and that I was supposed to watch the kids until she got home. And then she pecked me on the lips and hurried out the door.

At first, as I watched her hurry down the sidewalk and to her car, I couldn't help but be suspicious. My wife had betrayed me before, and because of that we had drifted further apart than ever. But I forced myself to ignore those suspicions. Bella was sorry. She had repented and wanted forgiveness…I just hadn't been able to give that to her yet. I knew she was going to the grocery store, I had to stop thinking the worst of her.

"Daddy! You're home!"

I was distracted by the sound of my six children, and I quickly hung up my jacket in the hall closet before joining them in the living room. "Hi, guys." I said, kissing each of them on the top of the head. "What are you up to?"

"Mom said we could watch a movie." Sarah explained, handing me a stack of DVD's. "She said we had to decide together." Bella and I usually didn't let the kids watch movies on school nights, but it was the best way to keep them all entertained on a stormy evening like tonight.

I knew based on experience that, between six children, a movie selection could take over an hour. But I was proud to say that in twenty minutes I had the six of them sat down in front of the television, engrossed in the movie that they had chosen together- with the exception of Noah. I guess when you're the only boy out of six children, the democratic process doesn't exactly work in your favor. I myself had settled in the chair in the corner, hoping to fall asleep and then wakeup before the movie was over. Unfortunately the phone kept ringing in the kitchen and kept me from falling asleep. But I was far too lazy and tired to get up and answer it. As Bella said, "If it's really important, they'll be sure to leave a message." So I let it ring, and eventually I managed to doze off.

……

"Dad. Dad, wake up!" I stirred slightly, groaning. "Dad, Grandma's here with Aunt Alice. She's crying."

I woke up immediately when Abigail said this, and sure enough my mother and sister were standing in the doorway of the kitchen, both of them talking on their cell phones. The movie was still on, so I must not have been asleep for very long. I quickly stood up, making my way over to my mom and Alice. "What's wrong?" I asked urgently, seeing that my mom was indeed crying slightly. Abigail was looming behind me, no doubt anxious to hear what had everyone so upset. "Abigail, go watch the movie with your brother and sisters." I murmured, laying a reassuring hand on her shoulder before gently nudging her back into the living room. Abigail reluctantly obeyed, looking over her shoulder at the three of us as she walked away. "What's wrong?" I asked again, and my mother broke out into a fresh round of tears.

"Oh, Edward, why didn't you answer the phone?" She asked, hugging me tightly.

I looked at Alice in confusion as I hugged my mother back, hoping she could clear things up.

"Edward…the hospital, mom, dad, Emmet, and I have been trying to call you for the past hour." Alice said softly, taking one of my hands in both of hers. "Bella was involved in a four car accident a couple of miles away from here."

It was like I had been punched in the stomach and all the air had just left my body. Bella had been in an accident. And judging on the way my mother was crying and how Alice was looking at me, it was serious. The last words I had spoken to my wife had not been words of love, but simply "ok". That was all. Nothing special or sweet or kind or caring. It was indifferent and impersonal.

"Where…" I hesitated, my mind racing. "What hospital?" I asked desperately, already moving towards the front door.

"Central." Alice said, naming the hospital I had just left two hours ago. "I'll drive you, you shouldn't go by yourself. Mom will watch the kids…" My mother nodded, wiping her eyes and giving me another long hug.

"I…I won't tell them, Edward." She promised. "And you can just call me later if you want them to come to the hospital once Bella is stable-"

"She's not even stable?" I asked angrily as guilt ate away at me. Alice wrapped her arm around my waist, hugging me tightly.

"She'll be fine." My sister murmured. "But come on, we need to get going…just in case."

…**..**

**Cliffhanger. Okay, I really need to be going now. My BFF Jess typed like half of this chapter up for me, so shoutout to her.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	7. Author's Note

**Hi, everyone. So this isn't Mellie, it's her friend Keely. At 12:54 am central time, Mellie gave birth to a **_**beautiful**_** little girl after going into labor yesterday after (about ten days early). Mother and daughter are both doing great, and Mellie just wanted to let everyone know that everything is good and that she hopes to update again soon. Also, thank you for all the kind wishes throughout her entire pregnancy, I know that it meant a lot to her and Jensen. Like I said, the baby is a girl and weighed in at six pounds three ounces and is named Blakely Olivia Anderson. **

**Again, thanks for all the kind words and support. **

**Mellie says that she wants to try and update this weekend, but obviously she might not be able to. I'll probably type it up for her, and she says the next one she wants to update is either 'Commander in Chief' or 'Eye of the Beholder'. **

**Xoxo- Mellie, Jensen, Blakely and Keely.**


	8. Chapter 8

**Hi, everyone. This is Keely, Mellie's other BFF. As the previous author's note stated, Mellie had her baby. Both of them are still doing great and came home this afternoon. Anyway, Mel has recruited me to type up her chapters for her while she is thoroughly exhausted and spending time with the baby. She already had some chapters typed up, so right now I'm typing and she's feeding Blakely, and we're talking through the chapter. We hope you like it!**

**Mellie and Jensen would like to thank all of you for your support and kind wishes. Thank you!**

……

_(II Corinthians 1:9) 9 "Yes, we ourselves have had the sentence of death within ourselves, that we should not trust in ourselves, but in God who raises the dead" –II Corinthians 1:9 9 _

……

Bella Cullen

I had been going to get groceries. After a long day stuck inside, I was actually looking forward to a little bit of time out of the house, even if that meant I had to go to the grocery store. I hummed along to the radio, which was playing softly, but I was really just listening to the rain pattering down, heavy and peaceful at the same time. And suddenly, I wasn't. It was like my mind and body were no longer connected. I felt a heavy impact and clenched my teeth together just as I felt intense pressure overtake my body. And then it was just…nothing.

……

I was aware of bright light, loud noises, and most of all, _pain_. It was radiating from every bone in my body, and getting stronger by the minute. I knew what was happening, though, through the pain and the confusion. I knew that I was dying.

The last words I had spoken to my children were, "Be good for your dad." And the last words I had spoken to my husband were "I'm going to the store, watch the kids." That was it. Simple, to the point, and completely insignificant. But know I was going to die, I knew I was, and all I could think of other than the pain was the fact that my final goodbyes amounted to nothing. I thought back to my life, knowing that I had not been the woman that I could have been. I had made countless mistakes, and they seemed worse than ever, now on my death bed. I felt myself slipping, knowing that my life was going to be over soon. I wasn't afraid, I wasn't. I was unsure. I stared rambling under my breath, offering prayers up to a God who would be better off without me in the world.

"O Lord God of goodness, and Father of mercies, I draw nigh to Thee with a contrite and humble heart; to thee I recommend the last hour of my life, and that judgment which awaits me afterwards. Merciful Jesus, have mercy on me. When my feet, benumbed with death, shall admonish me that my course in this life is drawing to an end. Merciful Jesus, have mercy on me. When my hands, cold and trembling, shall no longer be able to clasp the crucifix, and shall let it fall against my will on my bed of suffering, merciful Jesus, have mercy on me."

Through all of this, I started to hear distant voices. "Female in her early thirties…four car collision…one causality on the scene…she's still breathing…collapsed lung…concussion…heart rate is dropping and…fuck, she's seizing…crashing…get me a crash cart!"

I fought for every breath, grasping onto life with all that I had left. I couldn't die. I had a husband and children and a life that I loved. I had done wrong, and I needed the chance to make things right again. I couldn't die yet.

The voices were back, just as urgent and distant as they had been before. "Can't get a hold of her husband…mother of six…organ donor…she's Catholic, this was found in her car, saying to call a priest for her last rites in the case of death…a medically induced coma would do nothing…she needs to be intubated, her left lung…" I continued to fight, knowing that I couldn't let my life end like this. I couldn't leave Edward and Sarah and Rachel and Abigail and Noah and Delilah and Evangeline. I knew it would have to happen sometime but please…not like this.

……

Edward Cullen

When Alice pulled the car up to the hospital, I was gone. I got to the nurse's station in the ER, grabbing desperately onto the arm of my favorite nurse, an older women who I had befriended over the years I had worked here.

"Honey, what are you still doing here?" Kate asked in confusion, looking me up and down. I was still wearing my scrubs from earlier this evening, and I knew that I looked totally disheveled.

"Kate, my wife…she was in an accident…" I blurted out, and Kate's mouth instantly dropped open. "What happened? What do you know?"

She shook her head, putting her arm on my arm. "I know that there was one causality on the scene, honey, but I'm sure it wasn't her. Come on, just calm down and we'll go see where she is." She said soothingly, trying to calm me down the best she could. She hurried over to the computer, biting her lip as she typed. The results popped up on the screen, and I visibly saw her relax. "She's in trauma right now." Kate said, looking up at. "You'll have to wait outside the room."

I shook my head, resting my elbows on the counter of the nurses' station and resting my head in my hands. She had to be okay.

"Edward!" I straightened up and turned my head to see Alice rushing towards me, frantic. "Is she okay?" She asked, and all I could do was shrug my shoulders, because I honestly did not know.

"She's in trauma." I managed to croak out, tears gathering in my eyes. "She's been in there for the past _hour_, almost two hours! That means it's bad. That means she's probably already died once, and they're doing everything possible to keep her from falling of the edge again."

……

**Okay, that's all we can get out tonight. We hope you enjoyed, and please review.**

**Xoxo- Mellie and Keely**


	9. Chapter 9

**It's been a little while, huh? Well, thanks for understanding that things have been unbelievably busy around our apartment! But everyone is healthy and doing great, so thanks again for the kind words. And a shout out to Keely to typing chapters up for me when I couldn't. **

**Over the past week I posted two chapters of a story called 'Toujours'. It was originally only supposed to be two chapters, but now it's going to be **_**three **_**chapters. If you have the time, please go and take a look and read the story. It's pretty sad, but I really enjoyed writing it.**

…

"_Most certainly I tell you, all sins of the descendants of man will be forgiven, including their blasphemies with which they may blaspheme; 29 but whoever may blaspheme against the Holy Spirit never has forgiveness, but is guilty of an eternal sin" –Mark 3:28-29_

…

Bella Cullen

"Heart rate it steady…transfusion…" I tried to blink as the voice returned, but I couldn't force my eyes to move. My entire body was burning, making me feel like I was literally on fire. My chest was tight and heavy and each breath I took was painful and the breathing did not come easily. So I tried to make myself relax, and I continued to listen to the voices around me, wishing I could say something back to them. "Stable…trauma…pregnant…"

Pregnant.

My mind started racing at that moment, wondering what they were talking about. I couldn't be pregnant…I couldn't be. Edward and I, we hadn't-. And then I knew that the wrong I had committed was still going on. Jacob had gotten me pregnant and the hell I had put myself through still wasn't done. My chest suddenly started to tighten up even more, and I started struggling for breath, becoming frantic. There was more motion all around me, a flurry of words and movement that I couldn't even begin to process.

I fought for every breath, I heard my heart pounding in my ears, and then I slowly felt myself slip away.

…

Someone was holding my hand. I felt the warm, comfortable pressure and with it I felt an instant sense of relief. I wasn't dead, not yet. "Looks like she'll be waking up soon, Dr. Cullen. Be easy on her when she does- she's under a lot of stress as it is." The unfamiliar voice drifted through my ears, and I tensed up slightly. Of course Edward would be angry with me. He was a doctor- he knew how to read my charts. And he was also my husband, so the doctor attending me would have every right to tell him that I am pregnant. In that moment, I didn't want to open my eyes, I didn't want to wake up.

"I know you're awake, Bella." Edward's silken voice cut through the air like a knife, sharp and dangerous.

Reluctantly, I managed to peek my eyes open, wincing immediately because of the bright light of the room. Blinking several times, I opened my eyes fully and came face to face with Edward, who was holding my hand in his and watching me intently. His face was covered in stubble and his eyes were red and completely bloodshot. Not knowing what I could even say to him, I licked my chapped lips and said the first thing that came to mind. "I'm pregnant."

Edward's face contorted slightly with some emotion that I couldn't quite place, and his grip on my hand tightened. "No, you're not." He said, and my eyes welled up with tears. He didn't know.

"Yes, I am." I said, tears overflowing and spilling down my face. "I heard them talking and-"

"Shh." Edward interrupted me, pressing his index finger against my lips. "Please, just listen to me." He said, his voice grave and heavy. I nodded, and Edward quickly wiped my tears away with his thumb before continuing. "Honey, are you sore?" He asked, and only then did I realize that I really was. My chest was unbearably tight, but there was also an intense pain radiating through my lower abdomen and between my legs. I nodded, afraid of what had happened to cause that pain. Edward wordlessly reached over and picked up a small button that was lying next to me on the bed. "This is your morphine. You can have a dose every twenty minutes, if you need it." He explained, and then hit the button before setting it back down.

I nodded again, biting my lip. "Edward, what's going on?" I asked desperately.

Edward rubbed his forehead, looking at me hesitantly. "You were pregnant. But…Bella, you're not anymore. The trauma of the car crash you were in- do you remember the car crash?" He questioned, and I nodded quickly. "Right." Edward murmured, looking down at the floor. "Like I said, the trauma…your body couldn't handle it. Your femoral artery ripped and then you started bleeding out. Bella, they had to perform a hysterectomy. You can't have children anymore, and you lost the baby."

His words, although they were spoken kindly, hit me like a ton of bricks. I could no longer have children. Although I hadn't necessarily wanted anymore children…having babies was all up to God. And now, I could no longer do that. Tears started spilling down my face again, and painful sobs racked through my entire body. Edward spoke gentle, soothing words and rubbed my arm, but that didn't change anything at all. "I'm being punished, aren't I?" I asked hysterically, staring up at the ceiling. "This is because of what I did!"

After a long moment of nearly unbearable silence, Edward suddenly reached over and grabbed my chin tightly, forcing me to look him in the eye as I continued to cry. "You are _not _being punished." He said firmly, not releasing his hold on me. "I know I was hard on you before about…what you did, but do not think that for one second God would do this to you. It was a car crash that did it, Bella. Nothing more. I should have forgiven you sooner, I know that. And I do. I've held this grudge for too long when I really do forgive you. Because I love you, Bella. I don't understand why you had to…have an affair, and it makes me angry just to think about it, but I can forgive you because I love you so much and I know how sorry you are."

"Thank you." I choked out. His forgiveness made things seem a little better, although the emotional pain welling up inside of me was still overwhelming as well as the physical pain still taking place in my body. "I really am sorry, and I really do love you more than anything."

…

**So…our favorite couple can at least be a little happier now, on some level. Please review, and don't hesitate to tell me what you think. I don't think this story has much left to it, but I guess there will be about five chapters left. We'll see how it all works out!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	10. Chapter 10

**Sorry this chapter took a long time to finish…I started it over a week ago and I just kept getting stuck! This story doesn't have much more to it, but thanks for staying until the end. I'm guessing we only have a couple more chapters before it's all over, but I don't know when exactly I'll be able to finish it up. It shouldn't take too long! And to make things clear, this story was rated M for mature content, not for smut. I mean…I would feel really bad about having lemons in a story all about strict Catholicism. **

**This chapter may be on the short side, so I apologize in advance. I just got back from lunch with my little brother and his girlfriend and then I have things to do around the apartment to ensure that it's not a total mess.**

…

"_Most certainly I tell you, unless you turn, and become as little children, you will in no way enter into the Kingdom of Heaven. Whoever therefore humbles himself as this little child, the same is the greatest in the Kingdom of Heaven." –Matthew 18:3-4_

…

Bella Cullen

I lay in my hospital bed, staring up at the ceiling and wallowing in my own misery. I cried for my pain, I cried for Jacob, I cried for the child that hadn't gotten the chance to live, and I cried for the children that Edward and I would never be able to have. Despite what Edward had said, I still believed that I was lying here in this hospital bed because I was being punished. This was my purgatory, and I deserved every second of it.

I had been in the hospital for four days now, with no end in sight.

"Mommy?" I turned my head slightly, and saw Sarah standing in the doorway of my hospital room.

"Hi, sweetie." I managed to say, wiping my eyes as I tried to sit up a little more. Sharp pain radiated through my lower body as I did so, but I clenched my teeth and ignored it. "How did you get here?"

Sarah stepped inside the room, closing the door behind her. "Grandma Esme is visiting someone in the maternity ward, and she gave me a ride. She said she'll be up here soon to see you." She explained, and I just nodded. Sarah took a step closer to the bed, lightly grabbing one of my hands. "Are you okay, mom?" She asked softly. Tears flooded my eyes again, but I blinked them away.

"I'll be okay, sweetie." I said, clearing my throat and turning my head away slightly so she couldn't see how red my eyes were. "How have things been going at home?" I asked her with a fake smile on my face and false enthusiasm in my voice.

"It's fine." Sarah said softly, sitting down on the edge of my bed. "Aunt Alice has been staying with us, and she said she'll bring the rest of the kids to see you later today." Sarah hesitated a little looking at me with her wide, innocent eyes. "Dad's really sad." She added, and more tears flooded forth to my eyes. This time, Sarah saw and she reached up to gently wipe them away. "It's okay, mom." She said soothingly, stroking my hair.

I squeezed my eyes shut, breathing heavily. "I love you, baby. And I miss you." I finally managed, looking intently at Sarah. She was my firstborn child, and had been such a beautiful baby- she looked just like Edward. And now she was growing up, and I couldn't have any more babies.

The thought made my heart clench, but I focused on Sarah instead, trying to ignore both my physical and emotional pain.

"I love you too." Sarah said softly, and then we both fell silent. But it wasn't an awkward silence- it was a comfortable one. We just sat quietly and held hands, enjoying the chance to be together after four days of separation.

Several minutes passed, and then the door to my hospital room opened again, and Esme was standing there with flowers in her hands. She smiled at me as she walked into the room, but I couldn't help but remember back when Esme had found out about Jacob and had practically shunned me.

"Hi, grandma." Sarah said immediately, smiling over at her grandma.

Esme smiled back and came over to sit in the chair next to my bed. "Hi, honey. Bella, how are you doing?" She asked, setting the lilies she had brought on the nightstand.

"Okay." I said simply.

We were all quiet for a little while longer, and then Esme spoke again. "Sarah, sweetie, can you please go wait outside? I just need to talk to your mommy for a little bit." Sarah looked at me, and I smiled tightly and nodded. She kissed my cheek and slid off the bed, looking over her shoulder as she left the room and closed the door behind her. "Bella, I would like to apologize to you." Esme said softly, toying with the cross necklace that she had worn around her neck for as long as I had known her- and that was almost fifteen years.

I didn't reply, I just looked at her and waited for it.

Esme cleared her throat, and just looked down at my folded hands. "I'm not going to say what you did is excusable, Isabella. But I trust my son. And if he can forgive you, then I certainly can. I know you're a good woman, dear. And I know that it's easy to do things that are wrong. I'm not perfect, and I've made mistakes, but I shouldn't have treated you so rudely when I found out. This situation is between you and Edward."

"Thank you." I said, surprised that she had actually gone through with it. Esme was a very kind woman, but I knew she was probably still upset with me over what I had done to Edward and our family.

"You know, after I have birth to Alice, I had a hysterectomy." Esme blurted out, and my head shot up as I gaped at her.

I wet my dry lips, and then furrowed my eyebrows. "I…I didn't know that." I said quietly.

Esme nodded, still playing with her necklace. "None of us talk about it much. Emmet was only three and Edward had just turned two, so obviously they don't know much about it." She pursed her lips for a moment, and had a funny look on her face. "I wanted a big family, and so did Carlisle. We were ecstatic to have a girl, because after the destruction that came along with having two boys we thought a girl would be a little more…calm. And then a few minutes after she was born I started bleeding out…they had to do the surgery, and I wasn't even told about it until after it was done." She paused, brushing her hair out of her eyes. "We wanted a big family." She repeated.

"Edward and I didn't necessarily want any more children, but if it happened, I know we would have been so happy about it. And now that can't happen."

For the first time, Esme and I cried together.

…

**Please review, let me know what you think!**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


	11. Chapter 11

**Ugh I've been trying to crank out this final chapter for the longest time! It didn't exactly turn out like I wanted, though. It's a little short, but I finally managed to get the final point across.**

**So please review, and thanks for sticking with me through the story. I could have made it much, much longer but I decided that it was not going to be worth the risk. Religion is quite the sticky subject, and almost always brings controversy to the table. So this is it. Thanks again for all your kind words and support!**

**P.S. I have a blog now! It's got teasers and whatnot, so check it out at www (dot) 22lovelovelove22 (dot) blogspot (dot) com.**

…

"_But let him ask in faith, without any doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, driven by the wind and tossed." –James 1:6_

…

Bella Cullen

A knock on the door to my hospital room startled me out of my light sleep, and I groaned. "Come in." I said grumpily, rubbing my forehead. Today was my eighth day in the hospital. Thanks to a minor infection, I was being kept here longer than normal and wouldn't be able to go home for at least a few more days.

I was expecting one of my nurses, maybe my doctor, or maybe another visitor. But the last person I expected to see was Jacob Black walking into my hospital room. I stared at him for a long moment, unsure if this was what I was really seeing. Finally, I managed to find my voice.

"You really shouldn't be here." I whispered, but Jacob didn't listen. He sat down in the chair next to my bed.

"I know. I just wanted to tell you some things." Jacob said, but that didn't do much to ease my worries.

Biting my lip, I nodded my head. "Okay. Just…scoot back, don't sit so close to me. And hurry up."

Jacob nodded, and did as I asked. "Leah left me, Bella. She took Sam, and she left." He said, looking down at his hands. "I'm not telling you this so you feel bad. I'm telling you this because I'm finally realizing how wrong we were. I tried to justify things…but there is no real justification. I'm sorry, Bella. We both messed up, and now you're here in the hospital and my wife and son moved out…"

"I'm sorry too, Jacob. But I think that now is the time for you to get things back on track. I was lucky, Edward loves me and forgave me. I'm going back to my old life, and that's going to be hard to do with you around."

"I know. I'm following Leah and Sam to Chicago…I hurt her, but that doesn't mean I don't love her." Jacob stood up, smiling softly at me. "I don't think you and I will ever see each other again, Bella. I…I think you were an amazing friend, but we let things go way too far. This may sound rude, but I'm going to regret what we did for the rest of my life."

"I understand. So will I." I whispered.

Jacob nodded, and then reached over and patted my hand. "Goodbye, Bella. Good luck."

"Bye." I said quietly, and I watched him walk out of the room.

And now I could truly have closure. Jacob didn't love me, he loved his wife. And I didn't love Jacob, I loved my husband. This was the best thing, for the two of us to never have to see each other again. I already had a life, a family, a happily ever after. I had made mistakes and made suffered for them, but now my penance was over.

…

**I know. It's sooo short. But…that's all I really wanted to have Bella say in the end! She tied it up just the way I wanted it to be tied up, and that was all I needed to close the story.**

**Xoxo- Melodyella aka Mellie**


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